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Good Evening, everybody! Klemu Hakkinen, here, the Football Fin. I am so glad that the CFL has asked me back to present the 2036 candidates for entry into the CFL Hall of Fame especially after that unfortunate mishap involving the my visa. I assure you that after fifteen years, my immigration issues have finally been resolved and I can once again provide you the invaluable insight into the CFL that only a former hockey player can provide. And without any further adieu, I give the 2036 candidates for entry into the CFL Hall of Fame!
Edwin Garrett - RB - Texas Inferno
Edwin Garrett is the kind of running back that you want to cross check in the face. Twice. Because he's so ugly. In his twelve year career, he gained 10,995 yards and the ground and another 3,836 through the air. He amassed a total or 106 touchdowns. He was all-pro 2nd team three times, but just couldn't crack the nut to make 1st team.
Klemu Kalls It: Garrett gets hip checked from the Hall. If there's one thing Klemu knows, it is that Garrett didn't play quarterback (which bolsters your HOF bid) and he didn't run for more than 12k yards. Though his TD count is impressive, he'll need to pay off the Russian judge if he wants to get in.
Max Gray - WR - Hartford Attack
You can't help but admiring Max Gray. He was a workhorse that showed up and gave his all everyday (save for during that nasty groin injury in 2019). He fought through most of his injuries, but only put up pedestrian numbers. He only eclipsed the 1000 yard mark three times in his career, but still scored 73 TD's. The positive side is that he did it for 14 seasons. Longevity, for some reason, is rewarded by the selection committee. In his career, he hauled in 899 receptions and gained 11,642 yards receiving. He made 2nd team all-pro once and never won a championship.
Klemu Kalls It: Though his name would suggest some ambiguity on whether or not he'd be selected, the truth is that the decision is more black and white than that. If Robbie Schultz isn't HOF material, neither is this guy. Max Gray is caught on the wrong side of the blue line.
Phil Banks - WR - Durham Bulldogs
This past summer I played in a charity golf event with Phil. He told me a story about Derrick Banner's first year with Durham that ot me to shoot my Evian through my nose. No offense, Derrick, but a Durham Bull isn't a sexual act. I digress. It's unfortunate that Phil decided to call it quits when he did. I think that if he would have stuck around one more year, he would have been a shoe-in for the HOF. He left the league after only 11 seasons having gained 13,100 yards on 947 receptions. His 88 receiving TD's are good for 12th place all time. He made 2nd team all pro three times and was honored as the Legend of the Game when he retired in 2031.
Kemu Kalls It: Klemu says that Phil puts the biscuit in the basket. Normally, I would say that his credentials don't stack up, but getting the Legend of the Game honor in 2031 tells me that voters respect his contributions. I don't think he'll get much over 80% of the vote, but I think he'll make it.
Doug Farrell - S - Albany Crows
This is a courtesy candidacy at most. Doug Farrell was a fantastic Safety for Albany, but there aren't Safeties in the HOF yet and I doubt that Doug Farrell will be the first. He has some impressive stats: 974 tackles, 349 assists, 8.5 sacks, 24 interceptions, 93 passes defended, and a career pass defense percent of 80.4. Kris Fung was eligible to be elected into the HOF last year and did not get in. Fung has Farrell beat in just about every category.
Klemu Kalls It: Doug better start eating his Lucky Charms if he wants a chance to get in. Coach is leaving him on the bench for this shift.
Marshall Weinstein - T - Brooklyn Brawlers
Rounding out the five candidates is Marshall Weinstein. Weinstein is a 3-time 1st team all pro and a 2-time 2nd team all pro. He has 365 key run blocks on 1044 opportunities giving him a blocking percent of 35.0. With a career 1.1 sack percent, we have a good argument for a HOF entry.
Klemu Kalls It: Weinstein gets denied on the weak wrist shot to the glove side. There's only on offensive tackle that the entry committee has thought worth and he is the best there ever was at the position: Bernie Copley.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad new, yo! But this year there is a very weak class. It's quite possible that we have a repeat of 2032, when we had no candidates gain entry into the HOF. This is Klemu Hakkinen signing off. Until next time, keep your teeth off the ice!
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Klemu Hakkinen
-Starting RW for the Semi-Pro Mooseport Mousse Hockey Club
-Beat Writer for the CFL
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