Each week, The CFL Inquisitor sends beat reporter Norm DePlume across the country to ask the league's owners some burning questions.
This week, Arizona owner Cheesehead Craig, is on the clock for Norm DePlume's Burning Questions:
[b6e1654a]#10[/b6e1654a]: Who was the biggest surprise on the Outlaw's offense in 2014? Defense?
[player]Walter Forbes[/player] was outstanding. He was limited to 11 games and played all of them with a strained hamstring, but still had almost 900 yards rushing and scored 11 TDs. This with a rather pedestian run blocking OL. On defense, it was [player]Moe Bond[/player]. He went from unemployed DT in 2012, to backup DT in 2013 to run stopping stud last year.
[b6e1654a]#9[/b6e1654a]: Will the Outlaws be able to sustain their anti-Arizona ways long term?
I hope so. We have a solid defense and the OL is being rebuilt with some good talent. That will keep us competitive for the long term. Plan B is to have [player]Freddie Mathias[/player] play for another 8 years by any means necessary.
[b6e1654a]#8[/b6e1654a]: Who is included on your Owner's Box guest list?
Jessica Alba and
Daisy Fuentes are frequent visitors to the Owner's Box. When
James Hetfield and
Lars Ulrich show up, it's just a riotous good time.
Will Ferrell is always to treat to have as well.
[b6e1654a]#7[/b6e1654a]: Freddie Mathias seems to be the franchise savior, is this the case or did all of the pieces finally fall into place? What are your post-Mathias plans?
Freddie has really stepped up his game since coming to AZ from Detroit. It took a couple of seasons, but he's developed a great chemistry with the WRs here and that's been the big key. Post Freddie era? That would be when the rest of the RoF GM's get together and try and take him out Rasputin-style, then we'll see how the youngster [player]C.J. Santoki[/player] does. We have high hopes for him though.
[b6e1654a]#6[/b6e1654a]: EFC or WFC and why?
WFC. Three words: Ring of Fire.
[b6e1654a]#5[/b6e1654a]: How difficult is it to be a closet Bear fan with the name "Cheesehead Craig"?
Not a closet Bear fan. I'm resisting the urge to bitchslap you upside the head for that insinuation.
[b6e1654a]#4[/b6e1654a]: Which division is the strongest in 2015? Which do you fear the most?
The strongest is the RoF (of course), but I think the EFC Yankee division is solid, I gained a lot of respect for them last year. As for what division I fear, none. I respect a lot of teams, but not afraid of any of them. Last year we showed we can hang with the best teams in the league.
[b6e1654a]#3[/b6e1654a]: What is your favorite CFL town to visit? Why?
Vegas. If you don't like visiting there, you aren't alive. As much as TT and I want to destroy each other on the field, he's a fantastic host.
[b6e1654a]#2[/b6e1654a]: So you claim to not be a closet Bear fan, then what is the correct way to serve a bratwurst? For bonus points, discuss the differences between one served at the Brat Stop, Lambeau Field, and Soldier Field (and yes, anyone claiming to be a cheesehead will know the differences between those three).
Are you seriously questioning my Cheesehead status?
[i6e1654a]Norm: Why yes, very much so...[/i6e1654a]
Sheesh. Fine, I'll answer your question.
Brats are meant to be grilled, outside. You don't boil them in water ahead of time. You may if you wish simmer them in beer and onions while you grill them (meat loaf pans work quite well for this), but some say the beer should be drank instead. To each his own on that one, so long as beer is involved in some capacity. The
brats are to be served on a brat bun, never a hot dog bun. To serve them on a hot dog bun ensures you will receive a swift kick in the nuts from any Cheesehead. Condiments: onions, sauerkraut, spicy brown mustard (not yellow) and ketchup. Any of these are acceptable.
Lambeau: Curly's Pub does a nice job with their 2 brat lunch. Pre-game though, it's tailgating brats (see above).
Brat Stop: Are you referring to the brat breakfast sandwiches or the several types of brats for lunch? There is the double brat lunch which is my favorite.
Soldier Field, who cares how they serve them there? No self-respecting Cheesehead would even go to a game in that shithole, let alone eat the pig slop they serve there.
[i6e1654a]Norm: You were doing so well and you nearly had us fooled. I don't even know if they serve brats at Soldier Field but every self-respecting Cheesehead knows it's their duty to flood that shithole once a year wearing as much green, gold, and cheese paraphenalia as possible all while consuming brats prepared the correct way - grilled not bought. This brings me to your other faux pas - the Brat Stop. While it's hard to screw up brats (not even McDonalds could), only fags and FIB's visit the tourist trap on Route 50 to consume bratwurst. Additionally, your failure to mention
cheese curds is somewhat alarming. Cheeshead? I don't think so. Oh, and
Reggie White is weeping over the fact that you proclaim yourself a Cheesehead and forget to mention his name. [/i6e1654a]
[b6e1654a]And Norm's #1 burning question[/b6e1654a]: You have to mud wrestle a CFL personality. Naked. Who is it, Paul E. Weakly, The CFL Pressman, Klemu Hakkinen, or Norm DePlume?
Easy, Paul E. Weakly. Paul blusters about what he's going to do, but when the time comes, he's a no show. At that point it's time for the substitutes, which would be WWE divas Torri Wilson and Candice Michelle. Ding Ding
[i6e1654a]Norm: Well done! Best response to this question so far. Did you read that Paul E. Weakly? Did ya? He says you don't deliver...[/i6e1654a]
Thanks for the interview Norm! It's been a pleasure.
[i6e1654a]Norm: The pleasure was all yours.[/i6e1654a]
If Weakness ever replies, he'll be next, otherwise it could be you!
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